EXPOSING THE NARCISSIST

Are you feeling weak, anxious, depressed or stressed for nothing you can put your finger on?  You could be in the orbit of a malignant Narcissist.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is a very real problem in today’s society and these extremely disturbed beholders will create much drama and trauma in the wake of their numerous intimate and social relationships throughout their lifetime.

No matter how smart you are, they have a genius way of making non narcissists feel confused, anxious, and stuck with them.

Sadly, if you have allowed yourself to be victim in the clutches of a narcissist chances are you doubt your own good senses to the point you’ve completely lost your ability to see things objectively.  Truthfully.  I’d like you to remember that you are capable.  You can solve problems.  You are okay but you have got to get away.

Hiding from Truth reduces our natural ability of feeling in control, strong, self-confident and capable.

It is very difficult to recognize the signs of a narcissist until the damage has been done. Please take this article as fair warning.

Narcissists push the buttons of emotionally reactive (normal) people and then watch the drama unfold in glee. This is how they get fed.  They need your emotional energy to survive because they have none.  But even still you will tend to only see the things you have in common.  You have so many things in common because the N will mirror his image for your pleasure until you are sucked right in.  So you want it to work.  Will it to work.  And all too often good folks are willing to give up their very identity in an attempt to make this (hopeless) relationship work until they are bled completely dry.

Symptoms of NPD

Narcissists secretly (sometimes overtly) feel superior to the rest of the general population.  They tend to have a lot of false pride — pride in things they did not earn themselves.  They will be jealous of your success and relationships and create mind-boggling interference (character assassination causing family, employment, or community & social alienation).  Narcissists are often sexually over-active, entitled, demanding, critical of others, and have cold views of people and the world.  N’s see people with feelings as weak, and make delicious meat out of their supply to feed themselves with.  They do not care who their supply is — even their own children are feed for the malignant narcissist vampire; so why do you think they would love you more?

Narcissists are men and women. They are CEO’s of corporations, volunteer or political organizations; they love to manage other people’s money and businesses…and they are heads of families. If they are not the leader they are the sidekick of someone with more standing than themselves in an attempt to morph themselves into the power they crave.

These beings do not seek mental health help (remember there is nothing wrong with them), but they sure can create self-doubt if their victim is not strong enough to ward off such brilliant manipulation.  More often than not the N’s target was already raised by one or more narcissists and find the abusive cycle familiar, comfortable…and so they dive in to the same kind of abusive relationship…again and again and again…until they (we) finally get it.

I was raised by two of them, and one sibling out of four made my life a living hell while I was engaged in co-dependent abusive relationships. I didn’t get it until I lost everything to the whims of the malignant narcissists I grew up with.  I was 50 when my mother died making sure she got the last word, leaving angry and very sad family drama in her wake. I finally see the insanity of my relationship with the narcissist. It can’t work. It is a co-dependent reign of confusion that will never end until one of the two participants finally leaves.

Trouble is, if you are repeatedly hurt and neglected and used and spoken ill of you may attract more of them in your adult years and you tend to stay in longer than is healthy or just go out and find new ones to abuse you.  It is like we become magnets for the same kind of abuse we experienced as younger, impressionable youths.

Who Are the Narcissists!?

Narcissists are your brother, sister, mother, father, daughter, son, best friend, boss, coworker…there is no discrimination to be a narcissist.  NPD is as common as any other labeled mental illness and it is in the DSM as a psychiatric disorder. There are no medications for such a problem, however. The Narcissist lacks conscious feeling and there is no drug or treatment that can grow a conscious feeling from nothing.

Sometimes your narcissist will at first glance appear to be like a knight in shining armor; or a prince or princess charming, if you will. Your own good unconscious mind may pick up that something is wrong right off the bat; maybe you will act on it, but the N will cry, and need you.  Then the old critical conscious mind wins by ignoring those powerful intuitions we are all born with.   Very soon the charismatic mask will slide off and what you will find underneath of your new relationship is about as ugly as it gets.  But by then most long-term sufferers have completely stopped listening to themselves and their own good judgement.

We let the narcissist in and share our secrets, stories, ambitions, and weaknesses.  Ah, the narcissist loves your weaknesses!  When you stop being obedient the N will take your secrets and hold them up to the light of day for everyone to see in an attempt to shame you, guilt you, reduce you in the eyes of others.  The narcissist gets a sick pleasure feeding off of the fears and worries and shames of others.  They will twist your words as they project their own ugly minds on you…as if you think like that.  You don’t.  Trust yourself.  Trust yourself.  Can I say that again?

That’s why I suggest so frequently to not listen to gossip!  If you feed on talk about someone you know nothing about soon you very well could be that mouth’s next target.  You can count on being next.

We have somehow learned to stop listening to our own wise inner selves and sacrifice our emotional well-being as we keep the abusive cycle alive. When we ignore our own Truth we can count on something giving.  Inside of yourself you will create stress, anxiety, depression, drug or alcohol abuse as a way of coping the uncontrollable dance with a malignant narcissist.

It’s Time to Take Control

First, practice trusting your intuition before you trust anyone else.  Next, when you finally come to the realization you are in a dangerous relationship do not confront the narcissist.  It will be like reasoning with their cousin, the serial killing psychopath.  And, it will give them time to find a way to control you even more dangerously.  There is no point to confronting an N at all because they cannot change.  And things can get very very bad for you if you do not make the break quickly and quietly.  Tell a few close friends what is happening before the break.  Protect your good name, children if involved, and assets before you make your escape.

The NPD can destroy your reputation and emotional well-being so masterfully it rarely gets confronted by their active listening audience, or even the supply herself.  You don’t know what the hell is going on so what can you do?  You wonder what is wrong with you and you keep trying to fix yourself to be better.  You never will be good enough as long as you allow creatures like this into your psyche.  I realize we have to live among all people to get along but this is one person you do not want to get too close, or reveal your innermost secrets to.  Not if you don’t want to feel the shame and embarrassment when your personal laundry gets aired out in public later…when you no longer toe the line.

You Are Better Than You Think!

You have the information.  Now it is up to you to give your head a shake and ask yourself if you are the problem, or is someone else making you the problem?  I do not pussyfoot around with aggressive or passive aggressive abusers in my life anymore.  I just cannot afford the risk after already losing everything to the N’s of my past.  Whenever I come in contact with another narcissist (they are in every circle) I run, not walk the other way as fast as I can without causing damage to myself.  If I must be in the company of a narcissist I have a protective bubble all around me as I observe with caution.

Your own intuition will never lead you wrong.  Listen to your good and far wiser Truth and enjoy the freedoms of life you are offered.  Your journey is suppose to be yours without fear, remember that.

Whoever ends the codependent cycle of narcissistic abuse wins.  For your sake and safety, make sure it is you.

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Cherylann Thomas, BSc.Crim.,CH,t is a Registered Certified Clinical Hypnotherapist in Westbank BC, specializing in empowering her clients to emotional and mental freedom from abuse and trauma.  Helping her clients face the fear, worry, guilt, shame, depression, anxiety, grief, loss and despair is what finally brings her clients peace, strength and a renewed zest for life.   Check out her website and facebook at

http://www.mindmiracleshypnotherapy.ca

http://www.facebook.com/mindmiracleshypnotherapy

You Will Never Be Enough

What if Your Wounds Lead You To Your Purpose?

What if there really is a good reason for our emotionally painful life experiences? What if it was to prepare us for our journey to come?

At the cell level of my being I understand pain, fear (terror), resentment, loneliness and even envy of what others had and I did not. I use to think I was one of the most unfortunate souls to walk the earth, the mother of a child who died. While I once said giving birth to a baby was painful; I soon learned I would experience even harsher torture when I had to give Trevor back 25 years later.

When I did begin to investigate to find out why I couldn’t seem to find any emotional peace in my life I realized that the image of myself was all wrong for me. I didn’t belong there. I was better than that. I didn’t fit in the not so merry place of victimland where “Oh Woes Me” could be heard for miles. After a while I never really felt comfortable in that role and I somehow sensed there had to be more for me.  I recalled when I was a 16 year old mess my stepmother looked in my eyes, deeply, and said, “Cheryl, you are special.  Don’t ever forget that.”   I hung onto those words because I needed them for a lifeline from time to time, and they are the words I clung to when I decided to throw caution to the wind and find my own truth.

It was hard because I have a whole shitload of trauma and drama most people would never be able to lift out of. If you knew my complete story (and some of you reading do); you would all understand if I just packed up my bags and lived in self pain for the rest of my miserable life. YOU would be compassionate and understand, but I somehow felt there was better for me.

I had to get tough with myself. No more lying inside to attempt to make myself OR SOMEONE ELSE feel better. That didn’t work. No more lying and secrets, shame and stuffing. Time to get real. When I finally did GET IT I was pleasantly surprised to find my own Truth is actually very special. Who I am. What I am. And where I am going all became very clear to me. I know now I’ll never look back.

My new attitude doesn’t mean I don’t still hurt myself from time to time with my own human impulses.  And I can get just as reactive as the next guy (sometimes that show really looks ridiculous), but today I look at it like I make mistakes, but I am no longer ‘a’ mistake.  And I ignore set backs.

Sometimes the worst of the worst has to happen to us before we are ready to use available tools (and there are options for everyone when we look) to recover from trauma.

I learned I had to stop being a baby and to realize I am not the only suffering soul. There are people out there far worse off than me and when I open my eyes and see how much I really do have I immediately have emotional peace.

I should be more compassionate at times when I see the whining and crying over everyday minute solvable things; I realize it irritates me only because I was there too and perhaps I’m mad at myself for not understanding sooner.  Petty gossip to reduce your friend just about drives me around the bend. We don’t take responsibility anymore. Everything is everyone else’s fault or we are a victim of circumstances. What if you are suffering because you like to? Perhaps this is what your psyche is use to and so you keep doing it?

I suggest we are better than that, under the clutter. You (yes you!) are an amazing person with a potential for an amazing mission. Lift up out of the bowels of emotional despair and find your hero within.  When this is achieved I suspect you too will find your wounds actually do lead you to your exciting life purpose.  The walls will all come down and you’ll not only think outside of your old box, you’ll see there is no box at all!

That’s my message, that’s all. I don’t want to pick on anyone feeling down and out.  It would hurt me if I knew my message hurt someone who is feeling powerless right now. My intention for writing today holds two thoughts: 1. I like to share to inspire people up, and 2. I like to vent (sound out my passion) this way. I find it therapeutic. 🙂  If this did not suit your story that is fine too. ❤

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Cherylann Thomas, B.Sc.Crim, CH,t is a seasoned Clinical Hypnotherapist practitioner working out of Wesk Kelowna, BC Canada. She specializes in mental illness resolution including depression, anxiety, mood disorders, grief, loss, sexual abuse, childhood trauma.  Cherylann is trained using the latest therapeutic hypnotic techniques including suggestion, regression, PLRegression, Parts and Cords therapies for habits, loss and abandonment.

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Curing Mental Illness

Curing Mental Illness

Had a great conversation with someone I consider to be a wonderful mentor Rob Hadley.  It is amazing what he is doing with his clinic, Vancouver Hypnotherapy.  Rob is also the owner of Harlequin, a hypnosis show he does for entertainment purposes for Dry Grad programs around the province.

But hypnosis and hypnotherapy are so much more than entertainment. It is a powerful process designed to help clients get to the root of what is disturbing them emotionally.

Rob and I are on the same page when it comes to matters of mental illness. We both believe other forces are at work within a person, than a vague promise that one has a chemical imbalance, in fact, the idea of the reduction of Serotonin as the culprit for instability is so disputed now, they don’t even bring it up anymore in most educated cases.

People have been hypnotized into believing something beyond their control is responsible for their extreme emotions, feelings of panic, unknown fear, a pending doom sensation. Sometimes the disturbance is very unnerving and scary with voices and hallucinations. I call it a disturbance, but is it really?

The pharmaceutical company’s propaganda has worked well: “You need these drugs because you have a chemical imbalance, just like a diabetic needs insulin, you need a pill.” And we listened to that! And we believed it without one thought to the real fact that you can get tested for diabetes and the insulin will show improvement. There is no such test for the chemical they say we lack in our brains for heaven’s sake! How on earth do we buy into that? Consider the marketing. The commercials, “Have you been feeling down, loss of interest in activities, ask your doctor….” And we all know when you go to the doctor you are going to get a drug. They have nothing else for us.

Our intense upsetting feelings, in my opinion, are signals from our unconscious mind, trying to break through the conscious mind, the critical mind, to tell us something.   Have you ever had a ‘feeling’ you should do something, or not do something, and went ahead and did it anyway only to regret it?  That was your smart unconscious mind talking to you!  We maybe need to deal with something by tending to ourselves gently and compassionately.   Learning the art of self-care is the most powerful talent you can do for yourself, especially after a loss, or a trauma, until you gain your composure back.

Or perhaps our unconscious mind is telling us we are lying to ourselves, keeping a disturbing secret to protect ourselves, or someone else. Recently psychologists are theorizing that shame is the seed of all depression.  Whatever label you want to give for sadness, loneliness, loss of interest, lethargic…I see people lifting out of even the most serious of ‘mental illness’ when they approach it with entirely different eyes.

Whatever is going on, we may not know in the conscious mind, but trust me, your unconscious mind knows the truth and is waiting for your conscious mind to catch up. Our unconscious mind is our best friend. It is us, as perfect beings the way we were born. And she doesn’t like drugs!

If we let negative events and situations control us, and we let these feelings sit and fester for a prolonged period of time, we are bound to feel the weight of it physically after a while. If our stress is so great, and we do not take care of ourselves, it will get worse. Does that make any sense to anyone else?

It is a well known fact that stress attacks our organs, including skin. If we hold onto such feelings for any length of time, feelings of emotional instability will set in, and that emotional stress/pain will begin to attack your organs.  Where do you feel your stress in the body when you are stressed? In the chest? Stomach? Head? That is where the energy is attacking your body and you will get sick in that area if left neglected.

The Similarities Between Anti-Depressant Medication and Heroin.

Anti-depressants can work for a while. After a time, it’s a physical addiction. Let’s not mince words. No more hiding. Just like heroin, psychiatric medication works for a while and then more often than not it becomes more of a problem, than solution.

As soon as one feels upset it seems the quickest and easiest answer is to take a drug to inhibit the emotional response of the brain. Why are we allowing this? For the most part we wouldn’t go out and take heroin if we fell sad.  I know I never started heroin because I feared that after one ‘hit’ (or whatever they call it) I would be addicted.  I did not consider how addicting psychiatric drugs can be!

Have you looked up the side affects to your brain medication lately? People tend to gloss over the serious warnings as if they are not even there. They don’t care. They are either apathetic by now, or in their mind the drugs are working for them because whenever they stop the symptoms re-appear, sometimes even worse than before.  Lives are not ‘improved’ on any psychiatric drug. They are not designed to cure. They are designed to cover our feelings up.

An alcoholic who abstains from alcohol for years and suddenly starts again find their alcoholism symptoms are magnified drastically and drink even more than they did when they stopped years before.  If we cover up our feelings with any kind of substance, including legal prescription drugs, the symptoms will come back like a tidal wave when you stop the drug.  So, people choose to stay on heroin until they die, or are institutionalized.  People are choosing to stay mentally ill, and on doctor ordered medication, rather than deal with the tidal wave of emotions that comes when we are suppose to deal with something.

Perhaps the general public is not keenly aware that the same kinds of side affects are found in people withdrawing from anti-depressants and anti-psychotics. Increased risks of suicide and murder are just one nasty thing to watch out for when you decide to stop taking the drugs. Emotions are extremely prickly when we stop taking our psychiatric medication and the degrees of severity depends on how much you are taking, and for how long.

It’s ugly, and the saddest part of all is that all too often people believe they are chronically mentally ill after they try to come off of their legal prescription drugs. I’ve heard time and time again in my practice that they need the relief, because every time they came off their life fell apart. I know. I know all about it, it happened to me. Along with six psychiatric labels and no less than 19 different types of serious brain drugs I know how long it takes to get your brain back to the way it was suppose to be before the chemicals.

It took me a full year to feel back to balance after the drugs the doctors had ordered for my mental wellness.  A full year of hell, I might add. But I pushed through. I told a friend what I was doing. I was very careful. After I knew I was fully weaned i went for help by seeing a Clinical Hypnotherapist in White Rock. I engaged in 14 sessions and my life has never been the same since that time. I found myself. I found my inner power in hypnosis. I found God again in hypnosis. I learned how to deal with the eventual emotions we all feel from time to time, and I learned to never let them run wild again.  My rewards for finally taking care of myself continue to astonish me.  I am free!  I am alive!  I am at peace.

Life is going to happen with or without me drugged up. I can get a grip. I got a grip. I won’t keep secrets that matter anymore either. It gets me in trouble sometimes, but I’ve never felt stronger. I’m passionate about my message and I have good reason to be. And I’m excited that after years of NO passion, YOU CAN HAVE IT ALL BACK TOO!

But Schizophrenics are VERY SICK and need the drugs for safety!!!

Rob and I were talking about schizophrenia and how this ‘mental illness’ is only known as a disease in North America. In Africa, Rob suggests, people with schizophrenia are honored, and give information that the people believe as information from the spirit world. It is only in North America (or was it western world, Rob?) where we treat emotional imbalances as a sickness.

What if extreme signals such as auditory voices, visions, heightened vision, hearing, and feeling power, are really a spiritual emergency of some kind? What if we, a society who is based on science, are actually covering up something very beautiful with drugs?

What if the western world has it all wrong, and here we are, drugging to escape what our ancestors have had to feel and deal with drug free for millions of years?

I believe that it’s almost criminal to sell the idea that feelings of deep sadness, panic, fear, etc. are a sickness, and that is the ONLY information we are getting from our government…completely dis-empowering the weak even more.

Of course my first suggestion for help is to find a clinical hypnotherapist in your area who is trained in Regression and Parts Hypnotherapy.  The change in you will amaze you!  I am offering Skype Hypnotherapy Services to people who cannot find one in their area.

If you cannot afford hypnotherapy, I will suggest finding other ways to get to the root of what is bothering you so deeply in any way you can.  Find a support group, or find a drug free mental health organization who can help.  Help is out there, but we have to open our eyes to find it.

Conclusion

Please help me share the message that our government has to open up its’ eyes and see that the drug solution has become the problem. We need more help for people in despair! We have all of the resources and tools to help people in severe emotional pain, and yet all we do is feed them another pill. It’s a disgrace what we are doing to our people by ignoring all other treatment options besides medicating. . I don’t buy that answer for help anymore.  Have I changed your mind at all?