Are you feeling weak, anxious, depressed or stressed for nothing you can put your finger on? You could be in the orbit of a malignant Narcissist.
Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is a very real problem in today’s society and these extremely disturbed beholders will create much drama and trauma in the wake of their numerous intimate and social relationships throughout their lifetime.
No matter how smart you are, they have a genius way of making non narcissists feel confused, anxious, and stuck with them.
Sadly, if you have allowed yourself to be victim in the clutches of a narcissist chances are you doubt your own good senses to the point you’ve completely lost your ability to see things objectively. Truthfully. I’d like you to remember that you are capable. You can solve problems. You are okay but you have got to get away.
Hiding from Truth reduces our natural ability of feeling in control, strong, self-confident and capable.
It is very difficult to recognize the signs of a narcissist until the damage has been done. Please take this article as fair warning.
Narcissists push the buttons of emotionally reactive (normal) people and then watch the drama unfold in glee. This is how they get fed. They need your emotional energy to survive because they have none. But even still you will tend to only see the things you have in common. You have so many things in common because the N will mirror his image for your pleasure until you are sucked right in. So you want it to work. Will it to work. And all too often good folks are willing to give up their very identity in an attempt to make this (hopeless) relationship work until they are bled completely dry.
Symptoms of NPD
Narcissists secretly (sometimes overtly) feel superior to the rest of the general population. They tend to have a lot of false pride — pride in things they did not earn themselves. They will be jealous of your success and relationships and create mind-boggling interference (character assassination causing family, employment, or community & social alienation). Narcissists are often sexually over-active, entitled, demanding, critical of others, and have cold views of people and the world. N’s see people with feelings as weak, and make delicious meat out of their supply to feed themselves with. They do not care who their supply is — even their own children are feed for the malignant narcissist vampire; so why do you think they would love you more?
Narcissists are men and women. They are CEO’s of corporations, volunteer or political organizations; they love to manage other people’s money and businesses…and they are heads of families. If they are not the leader they are the sidekick of someone with more standing than themselves in an attempt to morph themselves into the power they crave.
These beings do not seek mental health help (remember there is nothing wrong with them), but they sure can create self-doubt if their victim is not strong enough to ward off such brilliant manipulation. More often than not the N’s target was already raised by one or more narcissists and find the abusive cycle familiar, comfortable…and so they dive in to the same kind of abusive relationship…again and again and again…until they (we) finally get it.
I was raised by two of them, and one sibling out of four made my life a living hell while I was engaged in co-dependent abusive relationships. I didn’t get it until I lost everything to the whims of the malignant narcissists I grew up with. I was 50 when my mother died making sure she got the last word, leaving angry and very sad family drama in her wake. I finally see the insanity of my relationship with the narcissist. It can’t work. It is a co-dependent reign of confusion that will never end until one of the two participants finally leaves.
Trouble is, if you are repeatedly hurt and neglected and used and spoken ill of you may attract more of them in your adult years and you tend to stay in longer than is healthy or just go out and find new ones to abuse you. It is like we become magnets for the same kind of abuse we experienced as younger, impressionable youths.
Who Are the Narcissists!?
Narcissists are your brother, sister, mother, father, daughter, son, best friend, boss, coworker…there is no discrimination to be a narcissist. NPD is as common as any other labeled mental illness and it is in the DSM as a psychiatric disorder. There are no medications for such a problem, however. The Narcissist lacks conscious feeling and there is no drug or treatment that can grow a conscious feeling from nothing.
Sometimes your narcissist will at first glance appear to be like a knight in shining armor; or a prince or princess charming, if you will. Your own good unconscious mind may pick up that something is wrong right off the bat; maybe you will act on it, but the N will cry, and need you. Then the old critical conscious mind wins by ignoring those powerful intuitions we are all born with. Very soon the charismatic mask will slide off and what you will find underneath of your new relationship is about as ugly as it gets. But by then most long-term sufferers have completely stopped listening to themselves and their own good judgement.
We let the narcissist in and share our secrets, stories, ambitions, and weaknesses. Ah, the narcissist loves your weaknesses! When you stop being obedient the N will take your secrets and hold them up to the light of day for everyone to see in an attempt to shame you, guilt you, reduce you in the eyes of others. The narcissist gets a sick pleasure feeding off of the fears and worries and shames of others. They will twist your words as they project their own ugly minds on you…as if you think like that. You don’t. Trust yourself. Trust yourself. Can I say that again?
That’s why I suggest so frequently to not listen to gossip! If you feed on talk about someone you know nothing about soon you very well could be that mouth’s next target. You can count on being next.
We have somehow learned to stop listening to our own wise inner selves and sacrifice our emotional well-being as we keep the abusive cycle alive. When we ignore our own Truth we can count on something giving. Inside of yourself you will create stress, anxiety, depression, drug or alcohol abuse as a way of coping the uncontrollable dance with a malignant narcissist.
It’s Time to Take Control
First, practice trusting your intuition before you trust anyone else. Next, when you finally come to the realization you are in a dangerous relationship do not confront the narcissist. It will be like reasoning with their cousin, the serial killing psychopath. And, it will give them time to find a way to control you even more dangerously. There is no point to confronting an N at all because they cannot change. And things can get very very bad for you if you do not make the break quickly and quietly. Tell a few close friends what is happening before the break. Protect your good name, children if involved, and assets before you make your escape.
The NPD can destroy your reputation and emotional well-being so masterfully it rarely gets confronted by their active listening audience, or even the supply herself. You don’t know what the hell is going on so what can you do? You wonder what is wrong with you and you keep trying to fix yourself to be better. You never will be good enough as long as you allow creatures like this into your psyche. I realize we have to live among all people to get along but this is one person you do not want to get too close, or reveal your innermost secrets to. Not if you don’t want to feel the shame and embarrassment when your personal laundry gets aired out in public later…when you no longer toe the line.
You Are Better Than You Think!
You have the information. Now it is up to you to give your head a shake and ask yourself if you are the problem, or is someone else making you the problem? I do not pussyfoot around with aggressive or passive aggressive abusers in my life anymore. I just cannot afford the risk after already losing everything to the N’s of my past. Whenever I come in contact with another narcissist (they are in every circle) I run, not walk the other way as fast as I can without causing damage to myself. If I must be in the company of a narcissist I have a protective bubble all around me as I observe with caution.
Your own intuition will never lead you wrong. Listen to your good and far wiser Truth and enjoy the freedoms of life you are offered. Your journey is suppose to be yours without fear, remember that.
Whoever ends the codependent cycle of narcissistic abuse wins. For your sake and safety, make sure it is you.
Cherylann Thomas, BSc.Crim.,CH,t is a Registered Certified Clinical Hypnotherapist in Westbank BC, specializing in empowering her clients to emotional and mental freedom from abuse and trauma. Helping her clients face the fear, worry, guilt, shame, depression, anxiety, grief, loss and despair is what finally brings her clients peace, strength and a renewed zest for life. Check out her website and facebook at