EXPOSING THE NARCISSIST

Are you feeling weak, anxious, depressed or stressed for nothing you can put your finger on?  You could be in the orbit of a malignant Narcissist.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is a very real problem in today’s society and these extremely disturbed beholders will create much drama and trauma in the wake of their numerous intimate and social relationships throughout their lifetime.

No matter how smart you are, they have a genius way of making non narcissists feel confused, anxious, and stuck with them.

Sadly, if you have allowed yourself to be victim in the clutches of a narcissist chances are you doubt your own good senses to the point you’ve completely lost your ability to see things objectively.  Truthfully.  I’d like you to remember that you are capable.  You can solve problems.  You are okay but you have got to get away.

Hiding from Truth reduces our natural ability of feeling in control, strong, self-confident and capable.

It is very difficult to recognize the signs of a narcissist until the damage has been done. Please take this article as fair warning.

Narcissists push the buttons of emotionally reactive (normal) people and then watch the drama unfold in glee. This is how they get fed.  They need your emotional energy to survive because they have none.  But even still you will tend to only see the things you have in common.  You have so many things in common because the N will mirror his image for your pleasure until you are sucked right in.  So you want it to work.  Will it to work.  And all too often good folks are willing to give up their very identity in an attempt to make this (hopeless) relationship work until they are bled completely dry.

Symptoms of NPD

Narcissists secretly (sometimes overtly) feel superior to the rest of the general population.  They tend to have a lot of false pride — pride in things they did not earn themselves.  They will be jealous of your success and relationships and create mind-boggling interference (character assassination causing family, employment, or community & social alienation).  Narcissists are often sexually over-active, entitled, demanding, critical of others, and have cold views of people and the world.  N’s see people with feelings as weak, and make delicious meat out of their supply to feed themselves with.  They do not care who their supply is — even their own children are feed for the malignant narcissist vampire; so why do you think they would love you more?

Narcissists are men and women. They are CEO’s of corporations, volunteer or political organizations; they love to manage other people’s money and businesses…and they are heads of families. If they are not the leader they are the sidekick of someone with more standing than themselves in an attempt to morph themselves into the power they crave.

These beings do not seek mental health help (remember there is nothing wrong with them), but they sure can create self-doubt if their victim is not strong enough to ward off such brilliant manipulation.  More often than not the N’s target was already raised by one or more narcissists and find the abusive cycle familiar, comfortable…and so they dive in to the same kind of abusive relationship…again and again and again…until they (we) finally get it.

I was raised by two of them, and one sibling out of four made my life a living hell while I was engaged in co-dependent abusive relationships. I didn’t get it until I lost everything to the whims of the malignant narcissists I grew up with.  I was 50 when my mother died making sure she got the last word, leaving angry and very sad family drama in her wake. I finally see the insanity of my relationship with the narcissist. It can’t work. It is a co-dependent reign of confusion that will never end until one of the two participants finally leaves.

Trouble is, if you are repeatedly hurt and neglected and used and spoken ill of you may attract more of them in your adult years and you tend to stay in longer than is healthy or just go out and find new ones to abuse you.  It is like we become magnets for the same kind of abuse we experienced as younger, impressionable youths.

Who Are the Narcissists!?

Narcissists are your brother, sister, mother, father, daughter, son, best friend, boss, coworker…there is no discrimination to be a narcissist.  NPD is as common as any other labeled mental illness and it is in the DSM as a psychiatric disorder. There are no medications for such a problem, however. The Narcissist lacks conscious feeling and there is no drug or treatment that can grow a conscious feeling from nothing.

Sometimes your narcissist will at first glance appear to be like a knight in shining armor; or a prince or princess charming, if you will. Your own good unconscious mind may pick up that something is wrong right off the bat; maybe you will act on it, but the N will cry, and need you.  Then the old critical conscious mind wins by ignoring those powerful intuitions we are all born with.   Very soon the charismatic mask will slide off and what you will find underneath of your new relationship is about as ugly as it gets.  But by then most long-term sufferers have completely stopped listening to themselves and their own good judgement.

We let the narcissist in and share our secrets, stories, ambitions, and weaknesses.  Ah, the narcissist loves your weaknesses!  When you stop being obedient the N will take your secrets and hold them up to the light of day for everyone to see in an attempt to shame you, guilt you, reduce you in the eyes of others.  The narcissist gets a sick pleasure feeding off of the fears and worries and shames of others.  They will twist your words as they project their own ugly minds on you…as if you think like that.  You don’t.  Trust yourself.  Trust yourself.  Can I say that again?

That’s why I suggest so frequently to not listen to gossip!  If you feed on talk about someone you know nothing about soon you very well could be that mouth’s next target.  You can count on being next.

We have somehow learned to stop listening to our own wise inner selves and sacrifice our emotional well-being as we keep the abusive cycle alive. When we ignore our own Truth we can count on something giving.  Inside of yourself you will create stress, anxiety, depression, drug or alcohol abuse as a way of coping the uncontrollable dance with a malignant narcissist.

It’s Time to Take Control

First, practice trusting your intuition before you trust anyone else.  Next, when you finally come to the realization you are in a dangerous relationship do not confront the narcissist.  It will be like reasoning with their cousin, the serial killing psychopath.  And, it will give them time to find a way to control you even more dangerously.  There is no point to confronting an N at all because they cannot change.  And things can get very very bad for you if you do not make the break quickly and quietly.  Tell a few close friends what is happening before the break.  Protect your good name, children if involved, and assets before you make your escape.

The NPD can destroy your reputation and emotional well-being so masterfully it rarely gets confronted by their active listening audience, or even the supply herself.  You don’t know what the hell is going on so what can you do?  You wonder what is wrong with you and you keep trying to fix yourself to be better.  You never will be good enough as long as you allow creatures like this into your psyche.  I realize we have to live among all people to get along but this is one person you do not want to get too close, or reveal your innermost secrets to.  Not if you don’t want to feel the shame and embarrassment when your personal laundry gets aired out in public later…when you no longer toe the line.

You Are Better Than You Think!

You have the information.  Now it is up to you to give your head a shake and ask yourself if you are the problem, or is someone else making you the problem?  I do not pussyfoot around with aggressive or passive aggressive abusers in my life anymore.  I just cannot afford the risk after already losing everything to the N’s of my past.  Whenever I come in contact with another narcissist (they are in every circle) I run, not walk the other way as fast as I can without causing damage to myself.  If I must be in the company of a narcissist I have a protective bubble all around me as I observe with caution.

Your own intuition will never lead you wrong.  Listen to your good and far wiser Truth and enjoy the freedoms of life you are offered.  Your journey is suppose to be yours without fear, remember that.

Whoever ends the codependent cycle of narcissistic abuse wins.  For your sake and safety, make sure it is you.

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Cherylann Thomas, BSc.Crim.,CH,t is a Registered Certified Clinical Hypnotherapist in Westbank BC, specializing in empowering her clients to emotional and mental freedom from abuse and trauma.  Helping her clients face the fear, worry, guilt, shame, depression, anxiety, grief, loss and despair is what finally brings her clients peace, strength and a renewed zest for life.   Check out her website and facebook at

http://www.mindmiracleshypnotherapy.ca

http://www.facebook.com/mindmiracleshypnotherapy

You Will Never Be Enough

Do You Know a Psychopath?

Do You Know a Psychopath?

Does a Psychopath or Malignant Narcissist live in your world? Get out!

I saw a client today, it was her 5th and final session with me (she stopped smoking). She did so well at the stop smoking, I suggested she use her other paid sessions to work on something else.

So, she wanted to work on her anger. Two weeks ago she told me she saw a Medium, and this medium was so good, so on target…and she seemed to know her husband so well. Turns out, the medium told her that her husband has had two long affairs over the 37 years they had been married. She gave one of the ‘affairs’ a name, Ava (as in Gabor, I wondered right away?) Anyway, the other name was Sheila. Details galore! The years, what they did, where they did it…all of it. If this medium is for real, she needs to be on television and very rich.

I don’t doubt what my clients tell me, I have to go by what they say. So when she first told me about the medium a couple of weeks ago I really didn’t put a lot of stock into it, one way or another. What mattered was how my client was reacting to the news of her husband having multiple affairs and now, as they inch into their 70’s, she has this huge trauma going on.

These messages of sexual liaisons would never have been allowed in her mind if she didn’t already have a history with this subject. Delore’s husband did have an affair in the 80’s, she met the woman, she gave her husband a choice, he picked her. As far as she was concerned, problem over.

Until along came a spider…

So, it was easy to believe, especially with all of those details, right?

My client (Delores, not her real name of course) said she has gone through all of the bank statements, all of the cell records to 2002, everything…she almost hired a p.i. but since these ‘affairs’ have been over since 2010, what is the P.I. going to find that she can’t find?

She found nothing.

My client is tortured. I could see it on her face today that she was going to lose it if she didn’t get answers. She said she would stay with her husband of 37 years, she loves her life, the cabin up at the lake, the kids…all of it has been going so well! She does need to know for sure. She insists she won’t be lied to…that’s all he has to do, confess. She’ll stay with him, she resolved, if he would just come clean!

She asked her husband if it was true, did he have other affairs? He didn’t get angry, he just said no, never happened. .She pushed. No! He swore up and down she was wrong (interestingly, she didn’t tell him WHO told her).

Her unconscious mind knows why she didn’t tell him all of the details or who told her this, IT WAS A LIE. Our unconscious minds know the truth, always. If you are not speaking up, it may be a lie, or wrong, in some way.

As things were finally dawning on me, on what was going on, I saw the same look on this woman’s face that I had years before. The look of torture and despair over being told something about someone else and being completely duped.

Only, it was me who was cruelly gossiped about…I was a victim not unlike my friend when a psychopath in my world destroyed almost all of my relationships. I just have no idea of what was said about me, that caused people I loved to leave me.

I still don’t know, but today I don’t care. If people are so willing to believe the worst in another human being, without CHECKING IT OUT, then they also need some help and I can’t be bothered with followers like that anyway, anymore.

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As we talked today I decided to gather more details. You will not believe what she told me. Her friend, “Donna” is a lesbian. she is living with a woman named Brenda. Brenda is very controlling, she has told her lover, Donna, to put her ageing mother in a care home. Donna did not think this was right, and managed to say no to her lover in this regard.

Guess who the Medium was? Brenda. Brenda, who is lovers with Donna who is friends with my client, Delores. She sat her down at the kitchen table and told her she was a medium and could ‘see things’ (first of all, don’t mediums work with the dead?). She saw her husband having these affairs, she gave details, and every time Delores would say, noooo, that couldn’t have happened, he was home every night, every weekend! She tried not to believe…but Brenda is a crafty one all right…(aren’t they all)…she said it happened at work, at lunches, in the closets, that type of thing.

Well, let me just say she was so good my client 100% believed her and has been going through hell these last weeks, as she is giving up smoking, trying to find the evidence to put in front of her husband and say, “HERE, THERE IT IS, YOU HAVE BEEN CHEATING ON ME ALL OF OUR MARRIED LIFE!” Fess up! She begged.

When Delores walked into my studio today I saw stress all over her face. She was beside herself. Nothing was working out, she can’t get the evidence.

That’s when I asked her for more details and when she told me of the triangle relationship going on (she is co-dependent with her friend Donna, because she doesn’t find it easy to meet friends and she likes Donna’s company. Brenda is just the ‘lover’ in the background).

She does not want to believe her only friend of three years, Donna, had any part of this at all. She said Donna was there, at the table and she was as surprised at how the ‘visions’ were unfolding as anyone.

Can you guess the roles of this psychopathic dynamic?

It starts with the psychopath (Brenda) who always has a side-kick ‘supply’ to keep in control (Donna) and then she uses Donna to get at others. To destroy relationships. Because that is how they operate. They are evil to the core and they seem to be in this world for no other reason other than to create trauma and drama in their friends and relationships lives.

They love to see the hurt. The pain in the face is priceless to the psychopath. And to see this poor, 70 year old woman scrounging around her house to find evidence of affairs by her husband of 37 years???

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I asked my client this question…I said, “Let’s say Brenda is right. Everything she saw and heard in her ‘visions’ was the truth. Your husband had affairs up until 2010. Suppose that is all true.”

And then I asked her, “Who and why would anyone tell you that, other than to hurt you to the core of your being?” For what purpose was this psychic reading?

The light went on.

After we did some internal work Delores left my studio strong and free. Her husband never had an affair with these ‘ladies’ and Brenda is a danger…maybe so is Donna if Donna cannot see things better than she has been seeing them.

I suggested my client have a long talk with her husband, and if she cannot, then she needs to ask herself why. Is she wanting to hang onto this co-dependent relationship triangle?

We shall see, it is difficult to remove yourself from people you have grown to love. It’s the most difficult thing in the world to do…say goodbye to something YOU thought was real. Relationships with the psychopath are never real. They lack feelings. The only emotions psychopaths can really experience are rage, jealousy, and false pride. Other than that, they are empty beings who are created to create problems for others.

To the psychopath, people are simply supply to feed the urge to hurt others and watch the squirming of emotional pain.

But as she was leaving I suggested that if it came to believing her husband of 37 years, or this woman she really knows nothing about, then we need to do some work on her loyalties and why she is so easily led. She agrees.

Do you know a psychopath? Have you ever been supply for a psychopath?

It is easier to fool the masses, than it is to convince them they have been fooled. Einstein. I love that quote and can’t use it enough, especially in cases like this.

 

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