Are you feeling weak, anxious, depressed or stressed for nothing you can put your finger on? You could be in the orbit of a malignant Narcissist.
Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is a very real problem in today’s society and these extremely disturbed beholders will create much drama and trauma in the wake of their numerous intimate and social relationships throughout their lifetime.
No matter how smart you are, they have a genius way of making non narcissists feel confused, anxious, and stuck with them.
Sadly, if you have allowed yourself to be victim in the clutches of a narcissist chances are you doubt your own good senses to the point you’ve completely lost your ability to see things objectively. Truthfully. I’d like you to remember that you are capable. You can solve problems. You are okay but you have got to get away.
Hiding from Truth reduces our natural ability of feeling in control, strong, self-confident and capable.
It is very difficult to recognize the signs of a narcissist until the damage has been done. Please take this article as fair warning.
Narcissists push the buttons of emotionally reactive (normal) people and then watch the drama unfold in glee. This is how they get fed. They need your emotional energy to survive because they have none. But even still you will tend to only see the things you have in common. You have so many things in common because the N will mirror his image for your pleasure until you are sucked right in. So you want it to work. Will it to work. And all too often good folks are willing to give up their very identity in an attempt to make this (hopeless) relationship work until they are bled completely dry.
Symptoms of NPD
Narcissists secretly (sometimes overtly) feel superior to the rest of the general population. They tend to have a lot of false pride — pride in things they did not earn themselves. They will be jealous of your success and relationships and create mind-boggling interference (character assassination causing family, employment, or community & social alienation). Narcissists are often sexually over-active, entitled, demanding, critical of others, and have cold views of people and the world. N’s see people with feelings as weak, and make delicious meat out of their supply to feed themselves with. They do not care who their supply is — even their own children are feed for the malignant narcissist vampire; so why do you think they would love you more?
Narcissists are men and women. They are CEO’s of corporations, volunteer or political organizations; they love to manage other people’s money and businesses…and they are heads of families. If they are not the leader they are the sidekick of someone with more standing than themselves in an attempt to morph themselves into the power they crave.
These beings do not seek mental health help (remember there is nothing wrong with them), but they sure can create self-doubt if their victim is not strong enough to ward off such brilliant manipulation. More often than not the N’s target was already raised by one or more narcissists and find the abusive cycle familiar, comfortable…and so they dive in to the same kind of abusive relationship…again and again and again…until they (we) finally get it.
I was raised by two of them, and one sibling out of four made my life a living hell while I was engaged in co-dependent abusive relationships. I didn’t get it until I lost everything to the whims of the malignant narcissists I grew up with. I was 50 when my mother died making sure she got the last word, leaving angry and very sad family drama in her wake. I finally see the insanity of my relationship with the narcissist. It can’t work. It is a co-dependent reign of confusion that will never end until one of the two participants finally leaves.
Trouble is, if you are repeatedly hurt and neglected and used and spoken ill of you may attract more of them in your adult years and you tend to stay in longer than is healthy or just go out and find new ones to abuse you. It is like we become magnets for the same kind of abuse we experienced as younger, impressionable youths.
Who Are the Narcissists!?
Narcissists are your brother, sister, mother, father, daughter, son, best friend, boss, coworker…there is no discrimination to be a narcissist. NPD is as common as any other labeled mental illness and it is in the DSM as a psychiatric disorder. There are no medications for such a problem, however. The Narcissist lacks conscious feeling and there is no drug or treatment that can grow a conscious feeling from nothing.
Sometimes your narcissist will at first glance appear to be like a knight in shining armor; or a prince or princess charming, if you will. Your own good unconscious mind may pick up that something is wrong right off the bat; maybe you will act on it, but the N will cry, and need you. Then the old critical conscious mind wins by ignoring those powerful intuitions we are all born with. Very soon the charismatic mask will slide off and what you will find underneath of your new relationship is about as ugly as it gets. But by then most long-term sufferers have completely stopped listening to themselves and their own good judgement.
We let the narcissist in and share our secrets, stories, ambitions, and weaknesses. Ah, the narcissist loves your weaknesses! When you stop being obedient the N will take your secrets and hold them up to the light of day for everyone to see in an attempt to shame you, guilt you, reduce you in the eyes of others. The narcissist gets a sick pleasure feeding off of the fears and worries and shames of others. They will twist your words as they project their own ugly minds on you…as if you think like that. You don’t. Trust yourself. Trust yourself. Can I say that again?
That’s why I suggest so frequently to not listen to gossip! If you feed on talk about someone you know nothing about soon you very well could be that mouth’s next target. You can count on being next.
We have somehow learned to stop listening to our own wise inner selves and sacrifice our emotional well-being as we keep the abusive cycle alive. When we ignore our own Truth we can count on something giving. Inside of yourself you will create stress, anxiety, depression, drug or alcohol abuse as a way of coping the uncontrollable dance with a malignant narcissist.
It’s Time to Take Control
First, practice trusting your intuition before you trust anyone else. Next, when you finally come to the realization you are in a dangerous relationship do not confront the narcissist. It will be like reasoning with their cousin, the serial killing psychopath. And, it will give them time to find a way to control you even more dangerously. There is no point to confronting an N at all because they cannot change. And things can get very very bad for you if you do not make the break quickly and quietly. Tell a few close friends what is happening before the break. Protect your good name, children if involved, and assets before you make your escape.
The NPD can destroy your reputation and emotional well-being so masterfully it rarely gets confronted by their active listening audience, or even the supply herself. You don’t know what the hell is going on so what can you do? You wonder what is wrong with you and you keep trying to fix yourself to be better. You never will be good enough as long as you allow creatures like this into your psyche. I realize we have to live among all people to get along but this is one person you do not want to get too close, or reveal your innermost secrets to. Not if you don’t want to feel the shame and embarrassment when your personal laundry gets aired out in public later…when you no longer toe the line.
You Are Better Than You Think!
You have the information. Now it is up to you to give your head a shake and ask yourself if you are the problem, or is someone else making you the problem? I do not pussyfoot around with aggressive or passive aggressive abusers in my life anymore. I just cannot afford the risk after already losing everything to the N’s of my past. Whenever I come in contact with another narcissist (they are in every circle) I run, not walk the other way as fast as I can without causing damage to myself. If I must be in the company of a narcissist I have a protective bubble all around me as I observe with caution.
Your own intuition will never lead you wrong. Listen to your good and far wiser Truth and enjoy the freedoms of life you are offered. Your journey is suppose to be yours without fear, remember that.
Whoever ends the codependent cycle of narcissistic abuse wins. For your sake and safety, make sure it is you.
Cherylann Thomas, BSc.Crim.,CH,t is a Registered Certified Clinical Hypnotherapist in Westbank BC, specializing in empowering her clients to emotional and mental freedom from abuse and trauma. Helping her clients face the fear, worry, guilt, shame, depression, anxiety, grief, loss and despair is what finally brings her clients peace, strength and a renewed zest for life. Check out her website and facebook at
As you may have figured out by now, I am very passionate on the subject of government and pharmaceutical company domination of our emotional well being. So, I get a lot of flak for my views, because there are many people right now suffering terribly with feelings of mental instability. I will never argue if folks need the drugs to live better temporarily…but after a few months, come on, it’s time to deal. Or not. It really is that simple.
Please note: I am not speaking of mental insanity or retardation or factual brain damage where control measures, such as drugs, is needed to keep the patient or others safe. There is no doubt these drugs do have a place.
I am also acutely aware that many cannot afford alternatives to the traditional response to depression and anxiety. The alternatives are kept hidden, regulated, not funded. So, I get that in many cases we are stuck with what is available to help us through in that moment.
But at least let’s look at things a little more closely regarding this serious mental illness problem we are experiencing in the western world…keep in mind, our minds are like a parachute, it only works when it’s open. (unknown)_
I had to find out the hard way. When I speak against the legal drug nation, I am not speaking only from an academic point of view, I am speaking as an experienced mental case, certified crazy at times, even a member of the ‘lifer mentally ill category person until I escaped the system. I know exactly what I am talking about, and I am convinced we are going to regret this medicinal answer. I was a victim too. My son died. Then I was all of the labels and I got away with giving up because no one knew what else to do with me. “We understand why you are nuttier than a fruit cake, Cherylann…it’s expected, you lost your son afterall. Go ahead, give up, we won’t judge you.” I had zero internal skills to help myself.
I was in bed all day. I saw the commercials, “If you are sitting there watching this like a moron, ask your doctor about getting a drug that will brain fry you even more.” Well, something like that, you get my meaning. And I listened to the nice scientist man on the television tell me that my feelings were a sickness, and there was a drug solution to my sickness. I could go to my doctor and get any psychiatric drug I wanted. It just depended on what my mood was that day and what I would ‘tell’ my doctor; and he would respond with the right drug per the commercial on t.v. You know I’m speaking the truth here.
Some pharmaceutical’s are the enemy to society’s civil evolution as we know it if you ask me. I have no doubt that when I’m dead and gone it will come out that we have been experimented on for vaccines, and psychiatric medication. I know we think the folks in India are being the paid guinea pigs testing our psychiatric drugs, but in fact many of them falsify results of success for better financial gain. I think it is important to put a magnifying glass under that term, ‘Secondary Gain.” Wherever there can be secondary gain in a system involving the masses, the validation of testing must always be suspect.
FOR ENCOURAGING PERMANENT MENTAL HEALTH LABELS
1. Pharmaceutical companies (profit)…all the way down to pharmacies.
2. Marketers and Advertisers (profit of course)…follow the money…
2. Doctors (Career, without the drugs, what else do they have for emotionally disturbed individuals?)
3. Patient (Won’t have to face uncomfortable feelings and emotions; gives reason to miss or leave work; Gives reason to collect a legal government monthly pension (I am sorry, you know I am being honest here, why lie to ourselves?).
Sadly, of all secondary gains that make me the most frustrated, is when people give up forever and wave “I am sick and you don’t understand” flags. Begging for validation to give up life. I stopped doing that and never felt better.
I am not normally a conspiracy theorist, when I read about what was done to the military in WWI and WW II, and the testing done on the infirm and insane that was so egregious lives were tortured and taken by non-suspecting folks. We need to research matters of the mind before we blindly accept the ‘chemical imbalance theory.’ We seem to be like the stepford wives when it comes to the commercials that say, “Ask your doctor if you are sad or disinterested in life…” Why on earth do we think it logical to ask a scientist about our feelings? The scientists think feelings are brain matter of some kind!
If you are emotionally distraught, what if it is a spiritual emergency, a message from your unconscious mind, or God even! What if you are masking the spiritual messages we all get from time to time.
Instead of hiding from our feelings and emotions, we need to listen and take lessons from them.
We miss someone terribly! We are afraid of the future! We did something bad! I hate her!
These feelings are WARNINGS…you need to tend to yourself gently, or harshly, or just compassionately all around, but do it.
I have a feeling you secretly know I’m right.
Then we find out that the science community actually did brain surgery on emotional or emotionally unstable (women mostly) in the early to mid part of the twentieth century. The human rights people put an end to that. However, science soon came up with a chemical answer to inhibit the emotional response of the brain instead.
Anti-depressants, anti-anxiety, anti-psychotic, anti-feel drugs.
I wonder why we buy into that, really? With no proof, no lab test to agree with the ‘supposition’ we are mentally ill forever. We read a list of 10 ‘symptoms’ and diagnose ourselves before we even get to the doctor, who is only going to give you what you want if it is anti-depressants and the lot. You know I’m telling the truth!
Feelings are messages to us from our unconscious mind (or God, if you prefer). If you feel a touch of worry, or fear, or shame, or guilt, or resentment, or anger…you might want to ask yourself right then and there what is going on? Get to the bottom of that feeling (and WE ARE ALL RESPONSILBE FOR OUR OWN FEELINGS, EVEN IN THE WORST OF SITUATIONS AND TRAUMAS). And learn to act on your feelings by changing your mind, or communicating with someone.
What if everything you thought about mental illness was a lie? I am not saying it is, I am saying, “what if?” Wouldn’t you want to know for sure? For something as serious as making your identity a mentally unstable person, why do we so easily succumb to this kind of thought? Is it easier to be sick and helpless?
THE PROMISED SOLUTION
I think I know the answer…in my humble opinion: Poor coping skills is the seed of mental illness. Instead of ‘inheriting’ some unproven biological mental illness gene from our mothers and fathers and such, what if you are in a cycle of dysfunction and are simply copying the only way you know how to cope, which is to not cope!
We need to learn coping skills for ourselves, and there are many free agencies out there with some decent courses if you are willing to learn. For those who can afford counselling or therapy, including hypnotherapy,
After or while we are tending to ourselves, we need to begin deliberately teaching the art of communication skills at a much earlier age to children than we do now. Let’s teach early classes of stress and sleep management. We have to hurry up and teach our kids healthy relationship dynamics, because, let’s face it, many people are horrible relationship people, and still have KIDS! The cycle continues…
We must knock down the school trustee doors and insist on more life skills for our kids. They need it as much as they need those free lunches every day. Right?
Thanks for reading. I am going to keep on with my message, and hopefully, one person at a time, people will find themselves evolving out of depression and anxiety, and experience happiness instead. I think it starts with finding a way to learn new coping skills. Yes you can manage your own emotions and cope with even extreme feelings, like after a death, or trauma. It’s been done for millions of years by trillions of people before you. Somehow the world with far fewer resources managed to get by without swallowing a pill for every thought, feeling or emotion we don’t like.
It’s okay to have a melt down, just don’t pack your bags and live there. It is a choice to become a butterfly, at one point.
BLOG LINKS Please check out my word document: a list of various articles and videos that will change your mind about mental illness forever!
What if everything you know about mental illness and chemical imbalances was a lie?
What if your moods, and anxiety, and depression, and even psychotic episodes have a root cause? What if your mind is trying to tell you something, much like our bodies tell us things all of the time when we get physically sick.
Could the problem really be you are holding onto a secret? A secret that needs to get out to save your life? You’ve protected everyone else all of your life, why not start tending and caring for your own self, and needs, now? Secrets are great for saving others, but do you have a secret about yourself you need to get out? That could also be the problem you are not dealing with.
What if, allow yourself to ponder for a moment, you are having a SPIRITUAL emergency and instead of paying attention to all of the signals you are getting, you drug yourself up with anti-depressants, anti-anxiety, anti-psychotic and anti-mood medication?
Some cover their feelings up with alcohol. Some use street drugs. Some find comfort and safety in the more medical term, mental illness.
I don’t know where the need to mask yourself (you say balance yourself) comes from. Your mental instability can be a result of not having coping skills (many of us were not raised to cope well). Swinging moods could have something to do with your conscious mind fighting with your unconscious mind, the part of you that knows everything.
I wonder what would happen if you allowed yourself to think for a moment that the commercials telling you to ask your doctor about certain drugs, is actually the worst thing you could ever do for yourself and your well being?
I wouldn’t rush out to ask a car dealer if I should buy a car, or use some other mode of transportation. The dealer is likely going to say the car is the best thing for me.
My challenge to you is dare to feel it, explore it, heal or EMBRACE what is happening to you. I promise you the whole world will open up for you when you decide to dig in and get to the root of what is causing you to feel internal mental pain and instability.
It is either that, or allow yourself to succumb to the misery of the aggressive, non-compassionate, emotional upheaval cycle of psychiatric labels and medicinal solutions.
When you allow the medical community to brand and drug you for your mental well being all hope for finding the real cause goes down the drain. Not only that, when doctors conclude (based on what YOU told them) you are mentally ill, they mean mentally UNSTABLE and have no hesitation in drugging mentally unstable people.
What if what is going on is actually a spiritual awakening, and you don’t know what to make of it, so assume, wrongly, that you have a brain chemical imbalance causing you to see and hear things that are not there?
The alarms (emotional disturbance) we all get can vary in intensity, and can start as early as pre-teen years. Kids today are killing themselves by record numbers because they are being refused the compassion, UNDERSTANDING, and unconditional love they need while going through what it is they are going through. They are being DRUGGED rather than embraced for who they are, and what they are experiencing.
Dare to emerge out of the dungeons and hell of the aggressive, unfeeling, world of psychiatry (notice the ‘try’) find your true purpose and meaning with hypnosis and hypnotherapy. Your mind will tell you exactly what the problem is, and how to fix it.
And the skies will open up and be bluer, the sun will be brighter, and the heavy burden you have been carrying will be lifted.
As a clinical hypnotherapist who is trained and experienced working with mental illness, regression and PLRegression therapy, I promise you everything will change in your world when you look inside for answers, instead of asking doctors who are trained to treat all emotional issues with drugs.
Please share and help me give hope where before there was none.
* Never come off any psychiatric medication without telling someone (or two) who can keep their eye on you. Weaning off slowly is safer than suddenly stopping (just like heroin). Allow the painful, erratic moods withdrawal symptoms to encourage you to keep going…seek medical attention for unsafe symptoms such as suicide ideation or feelings of rage (violence). Once you are toxin free, give yourself a chance at life — Make sure you get to the root of your emotional disturbance. Google all sides of any solution.
It was hypnotherapy that saved me. Just sayin… If you want to learn more, please like Mind Miracles Hypnotherapy on facebook at http://www.facebook.com/mindmiracleshypnotherapy and receive all of my posts on the power of our own minds. I am taking clients at the Family Wellness Centre in West Kelowna, or by Skype. PM me for details.
Please watch this video before you do another thing…